I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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