no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
