24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
