The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
