Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
