I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I haven't been this sober since birth.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
