i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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