Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your cock deserves a montage
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
