this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
