how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
