Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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