**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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