Sponge bath it is.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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