she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
