I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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