she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
