I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
17 year olds will be the death of me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
