theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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