It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
