You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
