I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
