tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
