I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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