We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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