I didn't shave. On purpose
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
