i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
