I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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