I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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