So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
