worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
