no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
