What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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