Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
