Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he just fucked me for my cheese..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
