im about as happy as oj after his trial
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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