If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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