The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
