omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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