I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
