I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
