dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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