My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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