U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize