New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You're a waste of cheezeits
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
