I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
