alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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