So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
