She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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