Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
