I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
