please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
